Google finally stopped being a retard!

For the past few months, I've been trying to get back on blogger to write about shit and for some strange reason, Google's server stopped working on my compute-mo-tron. Anyways now that I can start writing on here again I'll fill you in on my life.

1. Moving
I'm supposed to be in North Carolina right now but once again, my family says were going to move, nothing happens. This shit has been going om for years and at this point I'm about to say screw it and go live in a box filled with packing peanuts. I actually feel like an asshole showing up to work day after day, week after week of saying I', gonna be gone and I'm still here. I haven't told anyone else this, but you the viewer get to find out a secret! Because I think, nay, know where moving this time (though I still don't know when) I've been trying to detach myself from the guys. That's why people really haven't seen me. That's why I just go home after work. It's not like I don't have the heart to tell people straight up, it's just hard for me to accept that I'm not going to see everyone for two years plus. So I'm just easing into my solitude little by little until the day comes.

2. P......S.......3!!!!!!!
I just got it last week and I have to say, it's everything I could want in a gaming council (for now). I brought it for 200.00 flat. Nothings wrong with it I assure you. It is the "George Foreman" PS3 not the slim which just came out. When I posted that I got a PS3 on Facebook Steve said he hoped to god I didn't get a slim; and if I did? Oh no! I've done some research on the subject and the only major difference (besides the fact that it's smaller) is that it had a slightly lower quality blu-ray player. Oh no! I would have wasted all my money getting a stupid PS3 "slim" because of a lower quality, high end product. Like I really give a shit. If it plays the games I'm happy.

3. Just because
Here is a "journal" entry from a few days ago.
Sunday September 20, 2009
2:07
So, umm hi…. Haven’t seen you around lately… Where the fuck have you been!? You know what, I don’t care. All that matters is you’re back now. So it’s been a few months sue me. Life has been a bit on the uneventful side. Sure stuff has happened but it really hasn’t been worth mentioning and I really won’t care about remembering it in the future. What has happened though is we are supposed to be moving, again. Honestly it’s the single most depressing thing in my life right now. I really just want to leave and get started with my life however, that doesn’t seem to be the case. At every turn we are inconvenienced once more. It’s getting to the point where I just want to quit my job out of pure embarrassment. Eh, fuck that, I need to make money. As for the guys, everyone is pretty much the same except for Steve. He has become an acquaintance at best and we really don’t try to hang out or talk to him anymore. As for Catherine, she’s become lazy and unmotivated, and is for the most part a spoiled bitch of a suburbanite. The weirdest yet is actually, Stephanie. She has become so sweet in the past few months, she’s even better than I remember her from her high school years. Then there was the night a few weeks ago she gave me a really long hug. It was really (and I mean really) unexpected, but greatly welcomed. I needed a hug as much as she did. Makes me wish she was around more often, I could use a hug about once a week.

Break Time!


Fully equipped with a crowbar, dried food, and a scapegoat in case you fuck up.

4. Last thing for now!
The Dream of Thursday September 24, 2009

“We” were in a car Steve was driving, looking for a JJ’s Chicken and Fish on Capitol. Steve went around a corner and rolled into a parking lot and said “were not going to find one around here”. I pointed out that there was one to our immediate left. Frustrated Steve didn’t park and he got out of the car along with “everyone” else. But I protested that he should find a parking spot, lest we get caught by someone. He didn’t listen so I stayed by the car. Sure enough a cop/security officer rolls up and asks about the car. I told her that the owner would be right back, so she waits there with me, in silence. When Steve gets back to the car I go inside and tell the guys what went down. Soon after Steve comes in pissed off and says “She took my keys!” At that point I said I would get Steve’s keys back for him and went outside to talk to the officer. She explained to me Steve’s behavior and told me she confiscated his keys because of his attitude. I told her we needed to go home and unfortunately he was our only ride. I apologized for Steve and told her sorry for the trouble we caused. She thanked me for my honesty and handed me the keys back. As she handed me the keys she also gave me a kiss on the cheek. I locked eye with her for what felt like 30 seconds, but in actuality was about 3. I grabbed her and kissed her. She didn’t pull back; in fact she was kissing me back. After that I tried to apologize for what I just done, but she just put her fingers over my mouth and told me that it was ok. Needless to say I was pretty embarrassed, but she was ok with it so I introduced myself. She told me her name was Sandra and I said, “Well Sandra you wouldn’t mind if I asked you for your phone number would you?” Just as she was about to give it to me those guys came out of JJ’s and asked what was going on. I didn’t say anything at first; I just waited until Steve caught up and I tossed him his keys and told him he should have listened to me. However, in all reality I was so fucking glad he didn’t. She said she needed me to go with her to fill out an incident report. I got in the car with her and bid farewell to the guys and departed from the restaurant. We ended up back at her place after driving around and chatting all night. She lives on a huge hill, almost at the top, in a white two story house with brown trimming and a built in garage. I waited in her back yard, which could over look the whole hill and watched the sun rise. She came out wearing a white dress with light yellow flowers spiraling down it in a pattern. I asked her if she was tired and she said she has problems sleeping and she normally come out here to watch the sunrise. I was shocked that she was like me! After some more chat in which I found out she was a gamer too, I asked for her number once more and as she was giving it to me I came out of my dream. I hate myself for waking up then. Some mornings I just wish I could stay asleep forever. Because within my mind is the most peaceful place on this Earth. I actually can’t remember my last night nightmare, now that I think of it I don’t think I’ve ever had I nightmare in my life.

Boy do I need a fucking girlfriend, right?

Well that's all you're getting out of me for now, until next time...

I'm back! Wait you didn't know I left?... I'm a Ninja!

So last you heard from me was February 10th. A long ass fucking time ago. Nothing monumental has happened, although the near future might be! But more on that later.
Yesterday I broke international boarders
From a different time zone
all to crack a joke at another persons expense.
Yeah, I fuckin' rule.
I prank called Canada.
and Appleton.
One of my biggest accomplishment's this year. That was a lot of fun, and Steve missed it!
Now on to other news (yeah that fast!)
So Drew's been back for about a month and a half and since then I've had the liberty to hang out with his roommate/ex Jamie. Although the guys don't really seem to like her I find her style a nice refreshing change. Sure the fact that she attacks the guys at just about every chance she can get isn't really a crowd pleaser but hell, it's funny and sometimes I just want to laugh. I almost forget how judgmental we can be sometimes. Oh well, what's done is done and I really don't think any of the guys are willing to give her a second chance, Although I don't blame Aubin at all; she messed with the wrong guy there. I'm sorry that the situation ever existed, I was really hoping to just hangout with Aubin and Jenny for old times sake. I don't feel like writing anymore, I'll start posting regularly-ish again.
Until next time.

Today, tomorrow, some day, maybe

I won't have to worry about my sisters shit. But until that day comes; fuck my life.
Let me tell you what happened.
I was on the computer playing CoD4 while helping Phillip with his homework, when I start to here dumb bitch #1 and #2 yelling at each other. At first Phillip and I didn't give a fuck and thought they were just messing around or whatever it is that dumb bitches do. However, the yelling didn't sop so Phil went back to there room to see what was going on. Wait for it,wait for it, "Jacob! Come back here! I need your help!" That's what Phillip said to me before I abandoned my game (right in the middle of a fire fight I was winning too!) and rushed back there. I see one yellow fat bitch on the ground and a brown-shit colored fat bitch trying like a lazy lard ass to reach the other bitch. Phillip's in the the middle of them, getting scratched by bitch claws while keeping them separated. So I go in there to help him and take shit stain bitch down via shoulder tackle. Yellow bitch gets up; Phillip grabs her, then shit bitch tries to get pass me. Wrong move dumb ass. I shove the shit out of her, she goes sprawling on her bed, which in turn knocked a bowl of cereal (one she didn't belong having in her room and it was too late for (roughly 21:30)) she had on her bed over causing cereal and a bit of milk to go flying all over her bed. In my head I shouted "OWNED BITCH!" After that I closed her door and held it closed, I told Phillip to get dad but luckily he was already coming down from his room. The situation defused almost immediately after that. So I went back to my game to find out I only died once; and guess what? We still won that game (I was in fourth WOOT!)
As for the rest of my day... It was too boring to write about, so yeah... bye now.

Steve Job's: Douche Bag

Oh yeah! It's hot! It's in! Shinny, shinny, flash flash!!
It's wait, a PC(personal Computer)?
Yes, that is correct, just like old lame virus filled, boring Windows.
Starts at the low, low price of $1100.00 (plus s&H) or go to the "i"store buy it and still pay for it to be shipped to you instead of leaving the store with it! Who cares if a PC that runs on windows is *$600.00 cheaper to start off at! Where's the hip marketing campaign? Also the parts it would take to surpass that of a iMac only cost **$400.00 more! (so if your keeping track that's already saving you $100.00)
*: Estimated from Dell.com and Gateway.com
**: Not shopping around; just going to Best Buy. Oh this is including Adobe Photoshop CS3. (CS4 are teh nucking futs!)
That sounds to hip and cool, I think I'll go suck off Steve Jobs!
Oh and we mustn't forget about the super-awesome iPhone!
You know I'm going to say this now; I keep typing capitol I's for the "i" shit because I have an IQ (not iQ!) over 80.
Listen here you stupid fucking sheep, unless in this time of economic crisis you need a PC that cost well over a fucking grand that's not for professional use, you need to run off a fucking cliff.
You see Steve Jobs as this magical hero, here to save you from the oppressive evil of the Microsoft Corporation. Guess what retards, he's not, he only cares about how much of your money he can fit into his wallet before going home to bang a random super model and use your hard earned money as a dildo, for himself.
The point is, the fuck bag runs a corporation, just like Bill Gates, only he sucks more at it, that's why Macs aren't more common not because Bill Gates is some diabolical mastermind who's looking to hold a monopoly over all PC users.

The problem here is people nowadays are too fucking stupid and lazy to learn the basics of computers so Mr. Bells and Whistles swoops in with a shiny light and says "Hop on the easy train everybody! Next stop easy street!"
The fact of the matter is Mac has just as many problems as Windows just not as many viruses because most of the people who use Macs don't use them to do things hackers are interested in, things that will get hackers your identity and/or money. As a matter of fact, most of the people who use Macs don't even do there own bills! They have people who do it for them (normally on Windows). Get what I'm driving at here?
One point I'm trying to make clear is Windows still sucks, but at least I get to keep my money and not look like a fucking dipshit.



And here are some more insightful words on the products that Steve Jobs puts out.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant

thebestpageintheuniverse.net, you gotta love Maddox.

If after all of this you still feel the iMac and iPhone are great and awesome, well remember what I said about that cliff? Run the fuck off of it. Now.

It's a fucking "Rant" right?

I named my blog (although that's not what I consider it) Rantings of the last Jacobian" and I've yet to rant once! Unless you count some of the Smerz shit I wrote and if you do, for shame, thinking that low of me that I would actually write so little for a rant!! However this is in fact the beginning of one of my rants. I hope you took a shit before you start this because if you didn't, you many need some new pants or shorts afterwards.

FIRST: Women
Here's a pretty easy one to start with.
What the fuck is wrong with us!? Aww poor us, were so fucking individualistic that we can't get fucking girlfriends! That's bullshit, the fact of the matter is were all too chicken shit to just ask a goddamn girl out. Stop making excuses for yourselves and just put your self out there. I now what you're thinking right now, "your all talk, your not gonna do anything yourself so why should I even bother reading this?" What the fuck did I just say!? NO Excuses! That goes for me too so don't look to point a hypothetical finger at me! What was it you guys wanted to do, oh yes buy the Bro Code and swear in on it on Valentine's Day or as you guys call it Desperation day. Now I'm not knocking that idea at all, but I really would like us to do more than just act like were to "loser-ly" and just sit around. As you guys know, I hate, and I mean HATE Valentine's day but that doesn't mean we just say fuck it to looking for a girlfriend in the least bit. Half of the stuff in the Bro Code involves women so, why not honor the other parts of the Bro Code (I move that if we do get those it should replace the Pok'edex as the bible for the group(although I don't like the word bible for it's correlation to Christianity)) too? The fact of the matter is this Grow some balls!

SECOND: The Hudson River Incident
Why a fucking month later is the news still talking about this shit!? What the fuck it wrong with Americans? Not a one person on that plane was a "hero" there was in fact a man who took one of the bad aspects of his job and diverted the situation from tragedy. Does he deserve 15 minutes of fame? Yes. That doesn't mean go on about the shit for a month, having talk show hosts having some fuckbag who got on a fucking plane and Sat there as a guest. Get the fuck over yourselves, shut the fuck up and go about the rest of your miserable fucking lives you asinine fucks. I mean with all the other shit that's going on now, this is the best America as a whole can come up with, that's why humanity makes me sick. I wonder if you agree with me right now I really do...

THIRD: Everything else
* Why don't our grown asses ever leave Brown Deer and do stuff? We have a mode of transportation, mainly the bus because lets face it, Steve would live in his parents basement for the rest of his life if he could. Yes, he would only leave if his parents finally kicked him out (you know there's truth in that so get off your high horse) or we heckled him enough whatever comes first. So why don't we try riding the bus and going some where instead of just going to Kiwi's every weekend? Hell, I have to pay to go out there anyway I might as well try a couple of new places while I'm at it.

* Although I love (heterosexually) hanging out with you guys, why don't we try to see other people more often? This includes people like Coop and Aubin. Oh and I saw on facebook that Catherine has the "car" on Saturday, I can only assume that, that means the van, if so, since it's going to be warm as all hell outside we can walk and so stuff. Unfortunately it's more than likely going to be just Andrew, Chris and I since Steve isn't the most reliable person when it comes to hanging out and Kiwi is going to be gone camping. If that's true why don't we try to get some more people (like the ones I just mentioned) and hang out with them. I do have work today though so I'll see you guys afterward and if not on Saturday since I did want people to try to show up to my place.

* Guess what, you'll never believe this, but:
S: I only wish for the death of my enemies! Flesh and bones! Only Flesh and Bones!
O: You'll have to excuse him, you see Jacob is quite tired and straining his mind so much has only angered Sanji to an almost primal state.
Yes you guessed it, this entire time I've been having a conversation with Sanjioshi on my mental health and it seems you'll have to thank Sanji for the inspiration behind this rant and Oshi for still finding a way to calm Sanji down.

Head and Heart

As some of you know I just got into a battle with the good and evil within me, kicking both of there asses and all seemed well with me. However, if the was the case I probably wouldn't be writing right now, would I? So I guess it would just be better for me to dive right in this shit, well here goes nothing...

Part 1: Head
I've been thinking quite a bit lately and I was thinking, should I be trying to get a girlfriend? That's the question I can't honestly answer to myself. Why? Why am I so uncertain about that? I know I really do want a girlfriend; maybe it's the girl I'm trying to be certain about. Yes, that has to be it because if it isn't then what could it be? I implore you, the reader to come up with a solution to this most troubling of questions. That is of course if you can, anything you can think of would be greatly appreciated.
I asked Steve a few questions (because he states that he is in fact in touch with his feminine side) that were love related. He gave me most of the answers I could have expected from any of the others in the room however, when I gave him the "heart" riddle he only saw the heart and when I explained the "heart" to him, he said it was depressing although what I was saying was quite optimistic. I pondered the most about that statement because what if that's the way women actually process the things I say and do? I guess I have alot on my plate right now huh? Well that's life for you, always questions that needs answering and never any answers for those questions.

Break time!


Now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

Part 2: Heart
As you can tell part 1 has alot to do with part 2. However in part 2 I;ll go a bit more in depth with why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I've told a select few people a girl I'm interested in. Why am I interested in her, you may ask yourself or pending on who's reading this have asked yourself and you probably want a answer. Well I find the fact that she's so different with still holding some of my common interest dear, to be well, I think kinky is the wrong word umm... lets say cool (swallow that cool vs kool argument Kiwi, I used the word I used with it's original intent for a reason). And really that's what I've always looked for in a girlfriend, even if the girl herself is off, hell if I find a girl with my interest and she wasn't off then shes probably a dike and dikes suck. I did however want to talk to that girl with quote "no ass". I mean why not, it's not like I'm that picky.
I guess I just veered off of the original thing I was trying to say which is this, I want to love, nay need to love. Everyone at one point in time needs to be loved, this just so happens to be my time to do so. No matter how much will power I have and no matter how much I want to just put it off to the back burner, I can't. I just simply can't. The crazy thing about it is that with all the sex and shit we have in the world, none of it affected me. But right now I feel as though I let that get to me while still knowing it didn't. I, like every other living thing am a slave to my baser instincts. Not only that but I myself feel as though I need (keyword being need) a girlfriend to finally put my hate and malice in my heart in check.
And there you have it, why I've been acting the way I've been acting lately. I realize now that I have to do more about that wee bit of hate that overlooks the good in me and I do believe that having a girlfriend would do enough damage to that evil to keep me being me indefinitely. Although I do realize that my choice can end up being a double-edged blade. That's what life is also about, taking the risks that make life worth living. I hope you already got that from the poem I wrote a few days ago. With that being said, I'll let you digest all that I have just said and if you don't need time to do so, go head and give me some feedback on what you think.
Ok, later.

I did every Fucking thing!

At work.
It's true.
Yeah I'm that great.