Head and Heart

As some of you know I just got into a battle with the good and evil within me, kicking both of there asses and all seemed well with me. However, if the was the case I probably wouldn't be writing right now, would I? So I guess it would just be better for me to dive right in this shit, well here goes nothing...

Part 1: Head
I've been thinking quite a bit lately and I was thinking, should I be trying to get a girlfriend? That's the question I can't honestly answer to myself. Why? Why am I so uncertain about that? I know I really do want a girlfriend; maybe it's the girl I'm trying to be certain about. Yes, that has to be it because if it isn't then what could it be? I implore you, the reader to come up with a solution to this most troubling of questions. That is of course if you can, anything you can think of would be greatly appreciated.
I asked Steve a few questions (because he states that he is in fact in touch with his feminine side) that were love related. He gave me most of the answers I could have expected from any of the others in the room however, when I gave him the "heart" riddle he only saw the heart and when I explained the "heart" to him, he said it was depressing although what I was saying was quite optimistic. I pondered the most about that statement because what if that's the way women actually process the things I say and do? I guess I have alot on my plate right now huh? Well that's life for you, always questions that needs answering and never any answers for those questions.

Break time!


Now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

Part 2: Heart
As you can tell part 1 has alot to do with part 2. However in part 2 I;ll go a bit more in depth with why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I've told a select few people a girl I'm interested in. Why am I interested in her, you may ask yourself or pending on who's reading this have asked yourself and you probably want a answer. Well I find the fact that she's so different with still holding some of my common interest dear, to be well, I think kinky is the wrong word umm... lets say cool (swallow that cool vs kool argument Kiwi, I used the word I used with it's original intent for a reason). And really that's what I've always looked for in a girlfriend, even if the girl herself is off, hell if I find a girl with my interest and she wasn't off then shes probably a dike and dikes suck. I did however want to talk to that girl with quote "no ass". I mean why not, it's not like I'm that picky.
I guess I just veered off of the original thing I was trying to say which is this, I want to love, nay need to love. Everyone at one point in time needs to be loved, this just so happens to be my time to do so. No matter how much will power I have and no matter how much I want to just put it off to the back burner, I can't. I just simply can't. The crazy thing about it is that with all the sex and shit we have in the world, none of it affected me. But right now I feel as though I let that get to me while still knowing it didn't. I, like every other living thing am a slave to my baser instincts. Not only that but I myself feel as though I need (keyword being need) a girlfriend to finally put my hate and malice in my heart in check.
And there you have it, why I've been acting the way I've been acting lately. I realize now that I have to do more about that wee bit of hate that overlooks the good in me and I do believe that having a girlfriend would do enough damage to that evil to keep me being me indefinitely. Although I do realize that my choice can end up being a double-edged blade. That's what life is also about, taking the risks that make life worth living. I hope you already got that from the poem I wrote a few days ago. With that being said, I'll let you digest all that I have just said and if you don't need time to do so, go head and give me some feedback on what you think.
Ok, later.

I did every Fucking thing!

At work.
It's true.
Yeah I'm that great.

My Change

I finally got to spend a day on the line. I messed up a bit but caught on quickly and made it through the day. I had to go to work at 16:00 so I left my house at 14:45 to get bus passes. I had to go to Lena's to get some money because the checks cashed place I go to get my bus tickets don't accept credit. So once that was all said and done I got on the bus where Bun Nun Nun! K-Gad was on the bus! We chit chatted, then he got off the bus I told him we should hang out this weekend. I plan on keeping my word. Then I chatted with the bus driver for a few moments got off and walk/jogged to work. When I got to work I cut a shit ton of fries, blanched half of them then peeled some potatoes. Then the restaurant opened, onion rings ahoy! The day itself was smooth and at the end I did a T&D sampler! All in all things are cool(since I have to make sure; cool is the same as awesome in this case, I just find that the word awesome is used too often as of late; variety is always a good thing)for now.

LEVEL UP!

Today I finally start working on the line (as a chef!). Which is cool in all however, I feel like I shouldn't be able to be on the line yet. What did I do for them to say "We want you Mr.Inexperienced!". Oh well, the truth of the matter is I'm going on the line I want to be on the line and I feel that the break I've been looking for is here. So I, arms wide open, accept the position I've been given.

On another note, I have finally defeated both the good and evil in me so I can remain neutral with myself. I realized something though, the evil within me actually out weighs the good by a small amount. Not enough to change me but if it goes unchecked it could be my downfall. So to my friends, I'm back to Norman! Well, you know what I mean, normal for me. :) As for my chaoticness (my new word)well that has been expressed more openly as of late because I'm sick of feigning like of someone; like Smerz for instance. I pretty much stopped liking him when my sophomore year was over. Why all of you can have a negative opinion about him behind closed doors but ostracize me for expressing it in the open I'll never know. However in the future give me a heads up when you want to flake out or whatever it is you do so I can prepare more accordingly. Oh and all that being buddy, buddy with him to use him is b-u-l-l sh-i-t. I thought we were better than that, much better than that. And if you are truly Smerz's friend then when you hear me or someone else talking about him stand up for him or at least tell use to shut up or something. As I stated earlier the evil in side of me is greater than the good and I'm not for letting one be greater than the other, that's not me and that's someone I never want to be. If you oppose any of what I said say something to me don't stew on it either, you guys are me friends and I know we've been though too much shit to keep shit like this bottled up. Chris could you tell Andrew to read this, Kiwi could tell Steve the same. Ok, I think I'm done.

Charisma + 1

I'm a ....

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Druid (3rd Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-16

Dexterity-14

Constitution-16

Intelligence-13

Wisdom-15

Charisma-9


Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)



Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (26)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XX (2)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Evil ---- XXXXXXXXX (9)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Elf ------ XX (2)
Gnome ---- XXXXXX (6)
Halfling - XX (2)
Half-Elf - XXXXXX (6)
Half-Orc - XXXXXXXXXX (10)

Class:
Barbarian - XXX (3)
Bard ------ (0)
Cleric ---- (-8)
Druid ----- XXXXXX (6)
Fighter --- XX (2)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-22)
Ranger ---- XX (2)
Rogue ----- (0)
Sorcerer -- XX (2)
Wizard ---- (-4)

So....

I haven't creatively written in a while so I thought, "Why not put something up for the few people who read my blog?". So I came up with this, right now umm...

New changes,
new places,
new faces,
None that I have seen, in the places in between, in between my mind.
In my mind I find that I'm in a place really fine, because I know it's finally going no where.
What is life to live if you never live your life cause your to worried about life to live.

Go ahead,
be dead,
be red on the streets,
cause I rather be safe from the thief on the streets then live,
a life worth living cause the life you live really isn't living.
You just play the odds, just to be odd, always a poor slob, have you ever had job?
No thanks, I won't thank,
you for a life that exist just to scrape by, you're seen as a nobody from the common eye.

I really do care,
let the people stare,
there only gonna stare,
cause the people don't dare.
They never dare, to be me, to know the streets, to know the feeling of dirt on there feet.
Which to me is sad, because there looking at the life they never had.

Copyright Jacob Bowers 2009

A day worth bloging about

1. Happy new year.
2. Sorry I'm a lazy ass and won't post more often.
3. I'm stopping this shit.

So My day was pretty epic. First off I started reading the Pirate King By R.A. Salvatore, then wait let me back up. I finally shaved a bit after a month. =D
Ok, now where was I, oh yes then I didn't know when I was supposed to be to work because I was starting on the line so I ended up leaving my house at 14:47 to catch the bus at 15:05. As you have probably already guessed (mainly kiwi) I came to work way too early. However as I was traveling to work I read some truly inspiring words, "One week of adventure outweighs a life time of mundane activity." This really spoke out to me because although I was going to work I wasn't doing the same thing I've been doing for the last two months.

Break time!



When I got to T&D's Erich and his brother were there ravishing the new claw machine of it's an assortment of plush toys and balls. Ok, skip forward about 10 minutes, I clocked in and started sweeping the basement. I swept out the ice room, then the hallway, and finally under the stairs! yes, I even took some pictures of it because it was awesome. When I finished that, I came up stairs to find that everyone was there (it was roughly 16:40). there weren't many dishes so I wanted to get them out of the way fast, but Don had other plans for me. Like cutting fries and making a tray of bacon. after all was said and done with those tasks, I quickly did the dishes and then.... I went on the line!! Don had me take down notes (which I thank him for(however I did leave the notes at work( and Chad said he would give me some papers on all that I learn)while I was listening to both him and Chad. The first thing I made was an onion ring (a order is 9 rings), then an order of fries, (I now know what blanching is), and finally a piece of cod. I also got to try a Ruben eggroll and a buffalo bite. Don wants me to try everything in the restaurant. At that point I had done all I could at the time so I went back to dishes. Before the day was done I had to scrub all the floors even places that haven't been touched in at least a year. I have to finish the rest tomorrow. Oh I also got to take some chicken dumpling soup home. But before I end this, Chad and I talked PC games for about a half hour, and I got a ride home without even asking for one!
Oh, and one more thing, my computer is almost done!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm going to like 2009.