I won't have to worry about my sisters shit. But until that day comes; fuck my life.
Let me tell you what happened.
I was on the computer playing CoD4 while helping Phillip with his homework, when I start to here dumb bitch #1 and #2 yelling at each other. At first Phillip and I didn't give a fuck and thought they were just messing around or whatever it is that dumb bitches do. However, the yelling didn't sop so Phil went back to there room to see what was going on. Wait for it,wait for it, "Jacob! Come back here! I need your help!" That's what Phillip said to me before I abandoned my game (right in the middle of a fire fight I was winning too!) and rushed back there. I see one yellow fat bitch on the ground and a brown-shit colored fat bitch trying like a lazy lard ass to reach the other bitch. Phillip's in the the middle of them, getting scratched by bitch claws while keeping them separated. So I go in there to help him and take shit stain bitch down via shoulder tackle. Yellow bitch gets up; Phillip grabs her, then shit bitch tries to get pass me. Wrong move dumb ass. I shove the shit out of her, she goes sprawling on her bed, which in turn knocked a bowl of cereal (one she didn't belong having in her room and it was too late for (roughly 21:30)) she had on her bed over causing cereal and a bit of milk to go flying all over her bed. In my head I shouted "OWNED BITCH!" After that I closed her door and held it closed, I told Phillip to get dad but luckily he was already coming down from his room. The situation defused almost immediately after that. So I went back to my game to find out I only died once; and guess what? We still won that game (I was in fourth WOOT!)
As for the rest of my day... It was too boring to write about, so yeah... bye now.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Steve Job's: Douche Bag
Oh yeah! It's hot! It's in! Shinny, shinny, flash flash!!
It's wait, a PC(personal Computer)?
Yes, that is correct, just like old lame virus filled, boring Windows.
Starts at the low, low price of $1100.00 (plus s&H) or go to the "i"store buy it and still pay for it to be shipped to you instead of leaving the store with it! Who cares if a PC that runs on windows is *$600.00 cheaper to start off at! Where's the hip marketing campaign? Also the parts it would take to surpass that of a iMac only cost **$400.00 more! (so if your keeping track that's already saving you $100.00)
*: Estimated from Dell.com and Gateway.com
**: Not shopping around; just going to Best Buy. Oh this is including Adobe Photoshop CS3. (CS4 are teh nucking futs!)
That sounds to hip and cool, I think I'll go suck off Steve Jobs!
Oh and we mustn't forget about the super-awesome iPhone!
You know I'm going to say this now; I keep typing capitol I's for the "i" shit because I have an IQ (not iQ!) over 80.
Listen here you stupid fucking sheep, unless in this time of economic crisis you need a PC that cost well over a fucking grand that's not for professional use, you need to run off a fucking cliff.
You see Steve Jobs as this magical hero, here to save you from the oppressive evil of the Microsoft Corporation. Guess what retards, he's not, he only cares about how much of your money he can fit into his wallet before going home to bang a random super model and use your hard earned money as a dildo, for himself.
The point is, the fuck bag runs a corporation, just like Bill Gates, only he sucks more at it, that's why Macs aren't more common not because Bill Gates is some diabolical mastermind who's looking to hold a monopoly over all PC users.
The problem here is people nowadays are too fucking stupid and lazy to learn the basics of computers so Mr. Bells and Whistles swoops in with a shiny light and says "Hop on the easy train everybody! Next stop easy street!"
The fact of the matter is Mac has just as many problems as Windows just not as many viruses because most of the people who use Macs don't use them to do things hackers are interested in, things that will get hackers your identity and/or money. As a matter of fact, most of the people who use Macs don't even do there own bills! They have people who do it for them (normally on Windows). Get what I'm driving at here?
One point I'm trying to make clear is Windows still sucks, but at least I get to keep my money and not look like a fucking dipshit.
And here are some more insightful words on the products that Steve Jobs puts out.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant
thebestpageintheuniverse.net, you gotta love Maddox.
If after all of this you still feel the iMac and iPhone are great and awesome, well remember what I said about that cliff? Run the fuck off of it. Now.
It's wait, a PC(personal Computer)?
Yes, that is correct, just like old lame virus filled, boring Windows.
Starts at the low, low price of $1100.00 (plus s&H) or go to the "i"store buy it and still pay for it to be shipped to you instead of leaving the store with it! Who cares if a PC that runs on windows is *$600.00 cheaper to start off at! Where's the hip marketing campaign? Also the parts it would take to surpass that of a iMac only cost **$400.00 more! (so if your keeping track that's already saving you $100.00)
*: Estimated from Dell.com and Gateway.com
**: Not shopping around; just going to Best Buy. Oh this is including Adobe Photoshop CS3. (CS4 are teh nucking futs!)
That sounds to hip and cool, I think I'll go suck off Steve Jobs!
Oh and we mustn't forget about the super-awesome iPhone!
You know I'm going to say this now; I keep typing capitol I's for the "i" shit because I have an IQ (not iQ!) over 80.
Listen here you stupid fucking sheep, unless in this time of economic crisis you need a PC that cost well over a fucking grand that's not for professional use, you need to run off a fucking cliff.
You see Steve Jobs as this magical hero, here to save you from the oppressive evil of the Microsoft Corporation. Guess what retards, he's not, he only cares about how much of your money he can fit into his wallet before going home to bang a random super model and use your hard earned money as a dildo, for himself.
The point is, the fuck bag runs a corporation, just like Bill Gates, only he sucks more at it, that's why Macs aren't more common not because Bill Gates is some diabolical mastermind who's looking to hold a monopoly over all PC users.
The problem here is people nowadays are too fucking stupid and lazy to learn the basics of computers so Mr. Bells and Whistles swoops in with a shiny light and says "Hop on the easy train everybody! Next stop easy street!"
The fact of the matter is Mac has just as many problems as Windows just not as many viruses because most of the people who use Macs don't use them to do things hackers are interested in, things that will get hackers your identity and/or money. As a matter of fact, most of the people who use Macs don't even do there own bills! They have people who do it for them (normally on Windows). Get what I'm driving at here?
One point I'm trying to make clear is Windows still sucks, but at least I get to keep my money and not look like a fucking dipshit.
And here are some more insightful words on the products that Steve Jobs puts out.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant
thebestpageintheuniverse.net, you gotta love Maddox.
If after all of this you still feel the iMac and iPhone are great and awesome, well remember what I said about that cliff? Run the fuck off of it. Now.
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's a fucking "Rant" right?
I named my blog (although that's not what I consider it) Rantings of the last Jacobian" and I've yet to rant once! Unless you count some of the Smerz shit I wrote and if you do, for shame, thinking that low of me that I would actually write so little for a rant!! However this is in fact the beginning of one of my rants. I hope you took a shit before you start this because if you didn't, you many need some new pants or shorts afterwards.
FIRST: Women
Here's a pretty easy one to start with.
What the fuck is wrong with us!? Aww poor us, were so fucking individualistic that we can't get fucking girlfriends! That's bullshit, the fact of the matter is were all too chicken shit to just ask a goddamn girl out. Stop making excuses for yourselves and just put your self out there. I now what you're thinking right now, "your all talk, your not gonna do anything yourself so why should I even bother reading this?" What the fuck did I just say!? NO Excuses! That goes for me too so don't look to point a hypothetical finger at me! What was it you guys wanted to do, oh yes buy the Bro Code and swear in on it on Valentine's Day or as you guys call it Desperation day. Now I'm not knocking that idea at all, but I really would like us to do more than just act like were to "loser-ly" and just sit around. As you guys know, I hate, and I mean HATE Valentine's day but that doesn't mean we just say fuck it to looking for a girlfriend in the least bit. Half of the stuff in the Bro Code involves women so, why not honor the other parts of the Bro Code (I move that if we do get those it should replace the Pok'edex as the bible for the group(although I don't like the word bible for it's correlation to Christianity)) too? The fact of the matter is this Grow some balls!
SECOND: The Hudson River Incident
Why a fucking month later is the news still talking about this shit!? What the fuck it wrong with Americans? Not a one person on that plane was a "hero" there was in fact a man who took one of the bad aspects of his job and diverted the situation from tragedy. Does he deserve 15 minutes of fame? Yes. That doesn't mean go on about the shit for a month, having talk show hosts having some fuckbag who got on a fucking plane and Sat there as a guest. Get the fuck over yourselves, shut the fuck up and go about the rest of your miserable fucking lives you asinine fucks. I mean with all the other shit that's going on now, this is the best America as a whole can come up with, that's why humanity makes me sick. I wonder if you agree with me right now I really do...
THIRD: Everything else
* Why don't our grown asses ever leave Brown Deer and do stuff? We have a mode of transportation, mainly the bus because lets face it, Steve would live in his parents basement for the rest of his life if he could. Yes, he would only leave if his parents finally kicked him out (you know there's truth in that so get off your high horse) or we heckled him enough whatever comes first. So why don't we try riding the bus and going some where instead of just going to Kiwi's every weekend? Hell, I have to pay to go out there anyway I might as well try a couple of new places while I'm at it.
* Although I love (heterosexually) hanging out with you guys, why don't we try to see other people more often? This includes people like Coop and Aubin. Oh and I saw on facebook that Catherine has the "car" on Saturday, I can only assume that, that means the van, if so, since it's going to be warm as all hell outside we can walk and so stuff. Unfortunately it's more than likely going to be just Andrew, Chris and I since Steve isn't the most reliable person when it comes to hanging out and Kiwi is going to be gone camping. If that's true why don't we try to get some more people (like the ones I just mentioned) and hang out with them. I do have work today though so I'll see you guys afterward and if not on Saturday since I did want people to try to show up to my place.
* Guess what, you'll never believe this, but:
S: I only wish for the death of my enemies! Flesh and bones! Only Flesh and Bones!
O: You'll have to excuse him, you see Jacob is quite tired and straining his mind so much has only angered Sanji to an almost primal state.
Yes you guessed it, this entire time I've been having a conversation with Sanjioshi on my mental health and it seems you'll have to thank Sanji for the inspiration behind this rant and Oshi for still finding a way to calm Sanji down.
FIRST: Women
Here's a pretty easy one to start with.
What the fuck is wrong with us!? Aww poor us, were so fucking individualistic that we can't get fucking girlfriends! That's bullshit, the fact of the matter is were all too chicken shit to just ask a goddamn girl out. Stop making excuses for yourselves and just put your self out there. I now what you're thinking right now, "your all talk, your not gonna do anything yourself so why should I even bother reading this?" What the fuck did I just say!? NO Excuses! That goes for me too so don't look to point a hypothetical finger at me! What was it you guys wanted to do, oh yes buy the Bro Code and swear in on it on Valentine's Day or as you guys call it Desperation day. Now I'm not knocking that idea at all, but I really would like us to do more than just act like were to "loser-ly" and just sit around. As you guys know, I hate, and I mean HATE Valentine's day but that doesn't mean we just say fuck it to looking for a girlfriend in the least bit. Half of the stuff in the Bro Code involves women so, why not honor the other parts of the Bro Code (I move that if we do get those it should replace the Pok'edex as the bible for the group(although I don't like the word bible for it's correlation to Christianity)) too? The fact of the matter is this Grow some balls!
SECOND: The Hudson River Incident
Why a fucking month later is the news still talking about this shit!? What the fuck it wrong with Americans? Not a one person on that plane was a "hero" there was in fact a man who took one of the bad aspects of his job and diverted the situation from tragedy. Does he deserve 15 minutes of fame? Yes. That doesn't mean go on about the shit for a month, having talk show hosts having some fuckbag who got on a fucking plane and Sat there as a guest. Get the fuck over yourselves, shut the fuck up and go about the rest of your miserable fucking lives you asinine fucks. I mean with all the other shit that's going on now, this is the best America as a whole can come up with, that's why humanity makes me sick. I wonder if you agree with me right now I really do...
THIRD: Everything else
* Why don't our grown asses ever leave Brown Deer and do stuff? We have a mode of transportation, mainly the bus because lets face it, Steve would live in his parents basement for the rest of his life if he could. Yes, he would only leave if his parents finally kicked him out (you know there's truth in that so get off your high horse) or we heckled him enough whatever comes first. So why don't we try riding the bus and going some where instead of just going to Kiwi's every weekend? Hell, I have to pay to go out there anyway I might as well try a couple of new places while I'm at it.
* Although I love (heterosexually) hanging out with you guys, why don't we try to see other people more often? This includes people like Coop and Aubin. Oh and I saw on facebook that Catherine has the "car" on Saturday, I can only assume that, that means the van, if so, since it's going to be warm as all hell outside we can walk and so stuff. Unfortunately it's more than likely going to be just Andrew, Chris and I since Steve isn't the most reliable person when it comes to hanging out and Kiwi is going to be gone camping. If that's true why don't we try to get some more people (like the ones I just mentioned) and hang out with them. I do have work today though so I'll see you guys afterward and if not on Saturday since I did want people to try to show up to my place.
* Guess what, you'll never believe this, but:
S: I only wish for the death of my enemies! Flesh and bones! Only Flesh and Bones!
O: You'll have to excuse him, you see Jacob is quite tired and straining his mind so much has only angered Sanji to an almost primal state.
Yes you guessed it, this entire time I've been having a conversation with Sanjioshi on my mental health and it seems you'll have to thank Sanji for the inspiration behind this rant and Oshi for still finding a way to calm Sanji down.
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