New Grounds

Well kids, it's been a spell. I suppose I owe you all a update huh? I'll get to all that jazz once I'm done with my introduction. So, I'm seriously hating fall in NC. It's still in the high 60's/ low 70's during the day (update*: it took until Sunday Dec. 5th for it to start being cold during the day (low 40's). I know this might seem crazy to some people but I actually like Wisconsin's Fall/winters. It's what I grew up with and it's what I know. This, no cold, no snow shit is creeping my out. Fuck, even some of the grass is still green! It took us getting a days worth of sleet here for the rest of the leaves to fall down; I'm talking roughly 50% of the leaves. I'm not sure I mentioned this before, but North Carolina fuckin blows. Hmm, I'm not quite sure that this is an adequate intro but fuck it, I have a shit load to say and a whole lot of time to say it in. That's not to say if I don't hurry with this I'll become fucking bored with it and I'll never finish the shit. So with further ado brought to you by nagging fucks...... fucking nagging fucks fucking with me..... This introduction has been brought to you by the letter F, more importantly the word fuck. There we are, now with no further bullshit, I submit this intro as complete. Shut the fuck up.

NOVEMBER
Sorry for being a lazy ass for the month. I wanted to write but hell, I was busy playing games online and generally being miserable about not having a job, then about being in NC. Oh, yeah, I got a job on the 11th. Where you might ask? A place called Ryan's. It's owned by buffets inc., the same people that own O.C.B. At first I was happy to be working for a corporation, stability wise at least. How fucking wrong was I? After my first day I asked about getting my schedule. They told me they would call me. As an added measure of security I told them that I would call them too just in case they lost my number or something. I called them once on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (mind you I started working on a Wednesday) each time they told me it wasn't ready and they'd give a call when it was. They never called me. Then the following Tuesday at 16:15, I get a call from them saying I was supposed to be there 15 minutes ago. At that time not only was I not ready (i.e. showered & shaved) , I wasn't even home. So I rushed home got my shit and made it to work by 5:26. When I get there my manager Buddy (his name is really Buddy) cracked a joke about my tardiness; he was the one who was supposed to contact me about my schedule. I was fucking livid. If I was white I'm sure I would have been beet red with rage. Not only was I mad as fuck but I also wasn't used to the volume of work I was doing so I screwed up a hell of lot that day. Fast forward a week, things start panning out and I'm getting used to everything. I find out that I'm working Thanksgiving woo fucking hoo. It ended up working out though because me ma ended up working thanksgiving too. So we had thanksgiving dinner the day after. That about wraps up November.
But before I consider Nov. complete, here is what work looks like for me.








Break time #1


Sometimes in life you'll have to do some shit that you don't want to do. Better buck the fuck up Gordon Freeman style!

***Resume Session***

DECEMBER
Ah, December the month that really made me start missing home and other stuff too.
So going into December, I'm used to work, being isolated, and I've stopped giving a shit about the people I live and work around, at least the ones who are from here, and that one F.I.B. at Wal-mart. I remember one day before work I was messing around on my phone and I decided to look at all the pictures I took. All those good memories. All the stuff I loved. I swear at that moment I was crying, but no tears came out. It was as if my heart was sinking into nothingness. It felt truly awful, horrific really. I felt like I was never going to see anyone again. Like it was impossible to return to my life. So I went to work, stewing in that mindset. I've been slowly distancing myself from my co-workers ever since. I can't enjoy anything living so far away from my life. It would be different if I came down here for myself, but I didn't. I came down here because my mom needed the help. I'm hoping my dad can get back on his feet and start working before I go. I know that my mom can't support the way they live right now, and if my dad gets a job I will no longer be duty bound to stay. Whoa, I'm getting off point a bit, back to December shit. So we had a Christmas party at work, why I went I still don't know but I know now after that I don't belong here. Because of all these emotions of resentment and longing, I finally broke down and brought a web cam. I've yet to use it, but I feel a bit better just knowing I have it. I had a few days off after buying the web cam, or at least I thought I did. I get my weekly schedule every Monday so I know my when I work until the following Tuesday. That's a pretty simple system, one that would attribute some planning (since I don't work on Mondays) and conscientious thinking toward my job security. But that wouldn't be the Ryan's way, so poo on me. They changed my schedule and never gave me a notice. They told my that I need to check the my schedule everyday for changes because on the there printed copy it says "subject to change". What it should say then is "Subject to change without notice" as to absolve confusion from both parties. But once again, that's not the Ryan's way. So they called me at 5:20 asking where I was. I told them That I wasn't scheduled to work that day and just in case of some error on my part I went and grabbed my copy of my schedule and sure enough I wasn't on. So they asked me to come in anyway because they would be down a dishwasher. I told them I would see them tomorrow and they needed to get someone to cover because I didn't have a ride. What I wanted to say was "Go fuck yourselves. If you motherfuckers don't have the fucking decency to call me or at least tell me when I was working that you changed my schedule, then you can stew in your stupidity and wash the dishes yourselves. I did click on them though so it isn't like I just caved in to them. That week I only worked two days because of Christmas. It was a bittersweet thing Because the only reason I go to that hell hole is for the money. December was a big disappointment for me; I really got nothing accomplished that I'd set out to do. On the bright side I did get my axe back, I have Kiwi to thank for that, so Thanks again Kiwi. Before I wrap up December, New years eve. I worked, then I called peoples in Wisco. If those of you recall, I told you that guns where being fired well here's the proof.


2010: DEAD

Break time #2



If you don't think that this is great, you are wrong.

***Resume Session***
2011: Live
JANUARY
I can't say much for the new year as of now. I know one thing though, I can't wait for it to be March! Being back in town would be fucking awesome!! But I digress, it's a new year. What the fuck has happened this month? Oh yeah it snowed here and people flipped shit. The city of Concord was closed. The fucking city was closed. I didn't know a city closed, so this was news to me. For two days the city stayed closed, hell schools still hasn't resumed (effectively giving every student 9 days off). All of this for an inch and a half of snow, which turned into an inch of ice. Now I know what your thinking, "an inch of ice can be hazardous." True, if it was somewhere where it could be a hazard. The roads have been cleared of all ice and snow since Tuesday at around 2 in the afternoon. Once more the stupidity of Ryan's had to come into play. This time in the fashion of not giving me notice of our establishments closure. Apparently we were close all day Monday and Tuesday. I never received a call to tell me this information. According to them I should have called to see if we were open. Now by applying that logic I would need to call there every day I had work to make sure we're still open. Yep that makes just as much sense to you as it does to me. Luckily I'm not the only employee there who's sick of being jerked around. From what I here, our 3 best guys; I being one of them are all talking about quitting. I want to see how fast that mother fucker would get shut down with all those lazy ass toss-pots at the helm. Oh, that would be a most joyous occasion. We'll see what the future hold for us children. Thanks for actually reading this. It's the accumulation of two and a half months for procrastination so I hope it was worth it. If it wasn't well the fuck you Mr. and/or Miss I have high expectations from Jacob. Thanks again I guess I can get back on track now; you know it being the new year and all. Until then folks, until then.

Time will make you realize

Howdy folks!It's been what, a week and a half since I've last wrote? Miss me such? I bet not, but I wager so. What's happened in the past week plus? Oh! I carved my pumpkin; it's not the pumpkin I wanted but I worked with what was generously given to me.
I'll just show you guys what I've been up to with the pumpkin as well as a few of my other Halloween projects around the house.












It's not much but It's been keeping my boredom at bay. In other news, my dad has finally come down. With my sister and her baby mind you. Yup, the whole family (that's located in the continental U.S.) is back together. I need to get the hell out of here. Needless to say my dad is the same overgrown child he has always been, yet he seems worse. I don't get this because he was the one who wanted to live here. This is supposedly his dream come true; so why is he still acting like a fuckhead? Although I don't have a definite conclusion, I do believe that his behavior is steaming from his loss of control of my mother. Since coming out here my mom; normally a social recluse, has been invited to parties (and actually accepting the invitation) and has been greeted warmly by her co-workers. This coupled with the two months apart from my dad has made her a little more self reliant, and quite a bit more courageous. Because of this new found courage, my mom has been drilling the fuck out of my dad about getting a job. Normally she'd give up and end up pulling some more OT at work however, she can't do that down here so she's growing a backbone and tearing my dad a new one.

Break Time!



The more you know, the less likely you'll become one of the living dead.



This is just beautiful.

Resume Session

In other news, I've been chatting with Karleisa a whole lot more lately. It seems that something went down with Coop and he's become depressed again. A couple of days ago,Coop left me a message saying that he was going to kill himself, unfortunately I was asleep. I called him four different times before he called me back at 10:30ish to tell me he was still alive. Luckily Jao talked him out of it the night before. After all that jazz things seemed to simmer down. I talked to Karleisa yesterday and found out that Chris and Coop were going over to Holly's. I wanted to call Coop but I didn't know when he returned from her house so I waited to call him lest I here Holly's voice in the back round and my blood boils again. Hopefully all is well and I can talk to him unhindered tonight.
Oh the things I do for my friends.

Almost to the point of Nilism

So it has come to be, that I have run out of options. I am officially bored out of my ass. I no longer want to play video games, read for recreational purposes, or do anything leisurely that involves just me anymore. I really would love to have a job right now but I haven't gotten a bite yet, but I'll keep trying, I'm not doing this jobless bullshit again. On another note, I notice no one is really coming to blogger. It seems everyone is is content with using Facebook and nothing else. That's only mildly irritating seeing as I'm doing this mainly to give myself something to do. I guess the other reason is having a way to preserve my memories of North Carolina. It would be nice to get some traffic in though, something to give me a little more drive behind what I'm doing here. At the very least it'll quench my thirst for spontaneity; of sorts. I'll continue this later, Metalocalypse is coming on.

Break time!

Look who it is folks, our friend in Penn!
IM A BANANA - mcdonalds drive thru



More Halloween goodness


Ok folks, I'm back, 4 hours later.

All I have to say is wow! I wasn't expecting what happened tonight and I must say it couldn't have come at a better time. First off I talked to "Bob T" and Renata on Facebook which was nice. I really needed some peeps to shoot the shit with. It was also pretty cool to find that Halloween is more that just my favorite holiday. Second off; guess who called me tonight? Can't? Don't blame you in the least bit. It was Erich. The thing about it was I was thinking about calling him today but I didn't know his schedule so I decided against it. Weird huh? Then like 5 minutes after Erich called me, Coop calls. So I go from dying for a conversation to having two at the same time. Unfortunately, when I switched over to talking to Coop Erich's phone lost the signal so he called me back to tell me to give him a call when I'm done talking to Coop. At the same time as Erich's telling me this I have Coop on hold for like 30 seconds then he hangs up. I tried calling him back a couple of times but he didn't pick up the phone; oh well. So naturally I called Erich back and we talked for about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. It seems that Erich is no longer the boy we once knew. I for one like the Erich that had been created over the past 7 months. I won't go into detail because I think if you cared enough (those who know Erich) you would ask him yourself, Or ask me over the phone. I don't know what kind of luck I just had tonight but I hope I can get luck like this every month or so, so I can keep my fucking wits about me; and with these final words I bit you good people and rested night and a productive morning.

Half way to Oblivion

104 months ago is when I first met Andrew, thus the group of friends I have now. I first realized this when I noted that I've already been in North Carolina for a month now. By shear coincidence it turns out that I have 103 weeks left in N.C. So I decided to be clever and post a status that says "1 month down 103 to go". I highly doubt any of them could put it together but hey, it'll be fun to see what they write. Once more I've had a pretty boring day. Eh, at least I left the house and talked to Coop today. Speaking of which, the conversation we had today was pretty entertaining. I told him I started with my Japanese lessons once more and during our chat I opened my Japanese-English dictionary. The random page that I turn to just happened to be the entry for the word "Hentai". Yes, I know, but it was pretty fucking funny I can tell you that much. Alas, another short blog; if anyone is reading this give me a call or something so I can make this more worth it for you and I!

New N' Blue

Hello children! This is the Jacobian comin' to you live from the wasteland that is rural North Carolina! So how do you all like the new look? I assure you it's a whole lot easier on your eye's to read the text now? Notice how your eyes aren't hurting your brain? Welcome to the new look of Jacobian's Realm aka Rantings of the last Jacobian. With this new face lift comes the same old Jacob, so don't think I've changed anymore then what I just stated like 3 post ago. Unfortunately besides the site update I really don't have anything going on. Coop didn't call and I didn't call him. As a matter of fact I didn't hear anything from anyone today which was kind of odd. I don't mind that fact too much, I guess I can get into contact with people later on Thursday. I guess this is it for tonight, I'll try to progress with Halloween stuff so I have more to write about. Until then, until then.

ROTFLLOLWTFFTWWOOT!!!!!!!!

Just watched Invader Zim, Rocko's modern life, and Dexter's Lab. In that order; I'm quite pleased. I really don't have a reason for making a blog today; wait a fucking moment, yes I do! I'm quite a silly character for not realizing that sooner! It seems I might have a job people! If I do get this job I'll be working at a place called Ryan's which is the North Carolina equivalent to Old Country Buffet. Actually they're the exact same thing just with a different name. Now that I have My introduction covered...kind of, half-ass...ed I can continue with other stuff! I went to the mall after turning in my application. The mall had a familiar feel although everything I know is thousands of miles away. The mall is aptly named Concord Mills; get where the familiarity comes in? Eh, eh? Aww... you get it! Oh and did I mention that if I get that job I'll be working right in front of the mall? Well I did now so get off my case, sheesh! While at the mall I found one of the most interesting kiosks ever. They sold nothing but old kung fu and newer Japanese movies!! I found Ichi the killer, Battle Royal 2, and Fearless Fighters there, all movies I've been dying to see for years. Finally a mall is doing something right.

Break Time!
Yeah, I'm liking the addition of videos


It wouldn't be break time without a pic


And we keep truckin....
So I ended up talking to more than just Coop today, although I had two very good conversations with him today. Can you guess who it was? Come on, guess! Give up? Not trying is a type of giving up, so you do give up. Ok, fine I'll tell you, it was *drum roll* Miss Karleisa Rogacheski and..... Miss Stephanie Effiler!
I talked to the two of them via text messaging. My conversation with Steph was pretty short, but I got a nice status update from our (at least my) favorite dork girl. It seems she has been sick for the past two weeks but is feeling like her old self. So if you are so inclined, go ahead and pick up the phone and give her a call. You all haven't seen her since I last did, so I think you all are past due to hangout. Hell if nothing more make some Halloween plans, just because I'm not there doesn't mean our Halloween "traditions", if you will; need to die out. I want you guys to all get together and have some fun so I can get jealous and give me that much more of a reason to get my ass back home! I guess I can end this blog now instead of making these things so long that you'd rather scratch your eyes out in a blind and confused rage.
次の時間まで...
Sayōnara!

If 4(x+91)/21z= y, I don't give a fuck

Things this week should go pretty fucking fast. Why do I say that? First it's fucking OCTOBER! My most favorite time of the year, besides my birthday. Second I'm hopefully getting my license, a student loan, and taking my placement tests by the end of the week. Busy, busy ans I love it. The sooner I get my shit straight the sooner I'm back in my beloved Wisconsin. However I digress, the subject I really had in mind was the greatness that is Halloween!

I've already scoped out pumpkins and know where I want to get mine. It's a nice 61 pound monster. Oh I can wait to mutilate that pumpkin into the image I have working in my head. I just hope I have the skill to pull this mother fucker off. Besides the Jack-O-lantern I need find another way to decorate my house, or at least my room for this most pleasant of holidays. Maybe I'll make black candles and go with an occult theme this year? Then again I'm quite happy with the zombie apocalypse thing I have going. I know I should get a black light and paint some splatters on some paper to get a neon blood thing going on. Should I do webs? Nah, that seems too tacky and it fits the occult theme but not the zombie. I could try fake organs, those would work for both. I guess now is as good of time as any to use a Venn diagram. If you guys actually manage to read this before Halloween, I'd love some feedback.

Break Time!

Doesn't that just get you in the spirit?

A first!
Pay attention to the music, not so much the actual video.

I case you were wondering the song is "The Enemy" by Static-X

And we're back!
You know, I don't think I've ever explained why I have a break time, well kiddies allow me to explain. I write all of my blogs very late at night or to some, very early in the morning. I don't consider it morning until either the sun comes up or I fall asleep;(which ever comes first)so for all intents and purposes, it's night to me. But continuing on, although I enjoy writing at night a lot,I find my self quite anxious and fidgety. Normally because I'm listening to heavy metal, industrial and rock. Finding the pictures and such for my break time is both a break for me and my readers. I'm always thinking of you guys and gals (if any gals out there read this), consider it "hosting" on my part. Now back to the big enchilada, Halloween! Well, any new ideas? Not really, we'll come back to this. Oh yeah, I'm planing to put up my Halloween album in my blog rather than out it on my Facebook because I'm slowly going to (try to) ween people off of the abomination of a site and get back to something that feels a little more personal again. I just had a idea! I could make a zombie survival kit, or kits to give out to the kids who come dressed as something scary. No pussy ass faeries and elves are going to survive the zombie apocalypse so I'm not going to waste good supplies on them. Maybe I could make occult packs for the occasional dark witch and warlock. I'm not giving those away to some fagety as Harry Potter loving assholes. Ah, this is going to be a fun Halloween. Well I gotta do some more planing it's already the 21th. Fuck. Until next time children.

I watched a change...

A change in what I knew. A change in what I loved. A change that I had no control over. A change I couldn't make. What is this change you may ask? The change I was asked to make was to change who I was, truly. To bind myself within my own mind, to delude and warp my being into a husk of what I am. Simply, I was asked to stop changing into a man. However, I'm not a liberty to give into such a request. I am the person who I will be for just about the end of my days. If such a thing does not sit well with you, then we have nothing more to discuss and I'd suggest that you would politely get out of my life.

For those of you whom still find yourselves inclined to keep reading, then welcome; welcome to the true me. Here are a few things that have "changed" about me.

* I like alcohol, a lot.
* I like going to parties with strangers so I can get a chance to meet new people.
* I like to try new places and new things. I'll become sedentary when I'm in a home or dead.
* Believe it or not, when I go out anywhere publicly (ie. restaurants, movies, stores, ect.), I have hopes in meeting a girl (unless I already have a girlfriend) so I'd like it if you would "act" presentable.
* If you have something to say, say it. If you want to pussy foot around, get the fuck out of my face and depending on the severity of the situation, get the fuck out of my life; the teen years are over.

Now all of that may seem like a lot to take in but I assure you, I've kept most everything else the same. For example:

*I still love amphibians
*I still like being an environmentalist
*I still act goofy
*I'm still going to become a chef
*I still "hate" a good may things that you all should be familiar with.
*I still have a low tolerance for bullshit

See, I'm still pretty much the same person, but keep in mind the newer concepts about me.

BREAK TIME!



If you love me, get me this beer. :D



It's good being 21.

I'm going to end this thing on a higher note this time around.


5900 Barefoot Ln
Concord, NC 28025

1. Head northwest on Danbrooke Dr toward Flowes Store Rd
210 ft
2. Turn right at Flowes Store Rd
2.1 mi
3. Turn left at US-601 N
5.0 mi
4. Slight left at Warren C Coleman Blvd N
213 ft
5. Turn left at US-29 S/Concord Pkwy S
Continue to follow US-29 S

8.1 mi
6. Turn right to merge onto I-485 N toward I-85 N
1.0 mi
7. Take the exit onto I-85 S toward Spartanburg
37.7 mi
8. Take exit 10B to merge onto US-74 W/Andrew Jackson Hwy toward Kings Mountain/Shelby
Continue to follow US-74 W

55.8 mi
9. Merge onto I-26 W
34.5 mi
10. Continue onto US-74 W
0.7 mi
11. Merge onto I-40 W
Entering Tennessee

104 mi
12. Slight right at US-25W N (signs for I-640 W/I-75 N/Lexington)
0.4 mi
13. Continue onto I-640 W
6.6 mi
14. Take exit 3A to merge onto I-75 N toward Lexington
Entering Kentucky

172 mi
15. Continue onto I-64 W
68.7 mi
16. Take exit 5A on the left toward I-65/Nashville/Indianapolis
0.2 mi
17. Merge onto I-71 S
0.3 mi
18. Take the exit onto I-65 N toward Indianapolis
Entering Indiana

262 mi
19. Take exit 262 for I-90 toward Illinois/Ohio
0.4 mi
20. Merge onto I- 90 Access Rd
Partial toll road

0.2 mi
21. Merge onto I-90 W via the ramp to Chicago
Partial toll road
Entering Illinois

39.9 mi
22. Continue onto I-94 W
13.5 mi
23. Continue onto US-41 N/Skokie Hwy
25.6 mi
24. Take the ramp onto I-94 W
Entering Wisconsin

39.3 mi
25. Continue onto I-43 N
3.6 mi
26. Take exit 75 toward Keefe Ave/Atkinson Ave
0.1 mi
27. Merge onto Access Rd
453 ft
28. Continue onto N 7th St
262 ft
29. Turn left at W Atkinson Ave
0.4 mi
30. Turn right at N 13th St
Destination will be on the left

0.2 mi

3931 N 13th St
Milwaukee, WI 53206

This is my way home. I'll see you readers who got this far in March.

If you read this then...

Well as most of you are aware, I now reside in Concord, North Carolina; which I got to tell you, sucks a massive, throbbing, puss filled, irradiated dick. Not because the area sucks or even the house. No it sucks because I've been down here for two weeks it's been steady eighty five degrees with no breeze and today was the first day it's rained in a month. Now that in my Wisconsin born opinion, is fucking gay. If you think it's too cold in good old Wisconsin, then fuck you, I hate this shit and it goes against my set notions of fall. Yes kids, it's that time of year again. Fall or autumn as some might say, is my absolute favorite time of the year. Within this three month span encompasses wonderfully cool weather, a vibrant play of colors as the vegetation says it's goodbyes for the year, and my favorite holiday, All Hollows Eve also known as, Halloween; and you know something children, this hot, punk ass mother fucking weather down here is cramping that. So know now when I say I hate NC, know that I hate it for it's desecration of my favorite time of the year. Ok, Let's talk about something a little more entertaining shall we?

So far since I've moved down to NC I've gotten into contact with a Mr. Anthony "Coop" Cooper, a Mr. Kevin "Kiwi" Keiwit, a Mr. Andrew House, a Mr. Christopher House, and a one Miss. Renata Thekan. I've only been contacted by the latter group save for Mr. C. House and Miss. Thekan. I want to also note that interactions via the hell spawn known as "Facebook" are considered null and void unless the interactions transpired in either the chat box or private messages. For the people whom I've shared a great many years of friendship who haven't made the singular effort to contact me, then I know now where there intentions truly lie.
Alas, I haven't the time to write anymore tonight but fear not. I assure you that my next post will come in a quicker fashion then I'm know for.

How do ya do, doobie doobie do

So yeah, I haven't posted anything on this sight in some time. I've written articles, deemed that they either sucked ass or where not to my liking and needed to be revised. Which I'm too lazy to get back to, so for all intents and purposes they're dead.

So why did I decide to write now? Don't know really just thought I'd get some shit off my chest. Oh and If you for some reason have a problem with anything I'm writing right now and you feel it necessary to voice your opinion, do me a favor and actually talk to me (As in you find me in person or you call my cell phone) and don't write some half ass, shitty comment that makes you look like a douche.
So on to the shit!

So last Friday (April 30th, 2010) Coop had his first day at Taylor and Dunn's. Yup, after like 8 months of me trying to get him a job there, it finally happened; cool shit I know. The reason why Coop finally got the job is because Kiwi asked off... again... for like the 15th time this year.... I'm just saying.... But yeah, everyone seemed to have there doubts about Coop, fortunately for them Coop murdered there doubts by way of Hadoken to the face; In other words he rocked. He rocked so hard in fact, that one, Mark, yes Mark that guy who makes every ones life at T&D's a living hell gave Coop a complement and praise. As a matter of fact Both he and Jeri said that Coop will be busing on Fridays from now on. I haven't seen nor talked to Kiwi since this has happened, but I really can't see him being mad about it considering it's his own lack of diligence at work which caused him to lose the day. Coop needs hours too after all. But going back to that day, after work Coop got to "know" his new co-workers/friends by way of alcohol. We stayed until bar close, all the while we talked about stupid shit. Shannon kept giving Tommy death stares (I told him to run!), Cheree and Coop kept misunderstanding each others words, and Chad and Jess had there "young" table. Man oh man did Chad give it to Cheree that night. She did steal his hat though, so things balance out. Coop and I got a ride from Chad and Jess that night, and Coop got to meet Rocksie face to face if you know what I mean. You probably don't though; unfortunate to say the least. Coop got home around 2:30ish and I got home at around 3:00. Yeah, Friday kicked ass and took names.

So the rest of the weekend was kinda shitty though. Shit went down with Coop and once again my so called friends are no where to be found. I give Chris a pass because he has a shit ton of work to do; becoming an architect is some hard work. Kiwi of course was out of town doing god knows what again. No doubt something that's not all too important or he would have said something about what he was doing. Steve acts like hanging out with him is some kind of privilege and I don't have time for that shit. Andrew is no where to be found and I really don't feel like calling him anymore. It seems that if I don't call them I don't hear shit from any of them. Also, fuck going on Facebook to have some half ass conversation that takes like fucking 2 hours to say 5 minutes worth of shit. As a matter of fact, fuck compromising for those guys all together. They make it quite obvious that they don't want to hang; at least with me anymore and so far not a one of them has had the good grace or the balls for that matter to say anything. Hell they think that shit from like 3 weeks ago just blew over and shits back to normal. Fuck that. They don't deserve normal anymore. They don't work towards normal anymore so why should I make a singular effort to do the same? Fuck I really need to take Jess's advice and get some new friends. I shouldn't feel stressed out every time I think about my "friends". I do give Andrew some credit though, he did come over to see me, although it was 9 in the morning, and he didn't call or anything. I was also sick to top things off. However one visit isn't going to make everything magically better. I just need to have a good fucking talk with the lot of them and see what I can get done. Hell I just remembered Steve didn't even see what had transpired as important and said some shit like we have too much history. Guess what Steve, there are people who have been friends since they were kids and broke it off when they got older before. Fuck, there are people who have gotten married; meaning they want to spend the rest of there lives together and end up divorcing. Some who have been together 3 to 4 times longer than we've know each other. So I'm not gonna sit around and keep a bunch of friends who mean shit to me just because we've know each other for a few years. That's the funny thing about friends, they're people you choose to hangout with. Not Someone you have to force feed down your throat for the rest of your life like a much hated sibling. If I (that's the key word there) deem that it's no longer worth the effort, I can drop your ass like that. I know I'm turning out to be a good person, I've had many people tell me this before. So don't act like I'm the biggest douche in the world because I'm being blunt right now. Since most of the people who read this are at least acting like there avoiding me right now, take what I've said into consideration instead of you seeing this as an attack on you. Hell if you do see this as some sort of attack on you then you need to step off and reevaluate your shit. What I write is obliviously the last thing you should be concerning yourself with.

You need to know something...

On Saturday March 28th 2010, after work, I went to one of Ben's gaming parties. I was quite reluctant to go because there was speculation that Holly would be there. I was already in a shitty mood and didn't need to deal with any other bullshit. Luckily when we (Steve, Kiwi, Andrew, and myself)showed up, there was no Holly to be found. Although this was good, I still didn't want to be there because it was a Saturday night at Ben's house; SNORE. About a half hour into the night I got a call; it was me mum. Apparently some shit happened with Phil and he was acting out. During my conversation, I noticed a car coming up the street with the music blaring. I put two and two together in a split second and just knew it was what I feared; Holly. I quickly jumped Ben's porch and made my way to the back where I finished my conversation. After I was done on the phone I fought with myself, wondering if it was worth it to go back in. I regrettably did. It was harder than I could have imagined. Seeing her broke something in me. Fast-forward a bit, I was in the kitchen where I was talking to Coop. I remember I couldn't control these muscular spasms I was having throughout my face. I remember this feeling like I was on fire on the right side of my face. All Coop could tell me to do is calm down. But that was the truly frightening thing; I couldn't. The last sensation I felt was this metal-ish taste in my mouth, kind of like blood, but not quite.